Peeling Back the Layers of Societal Appropriateness & Rewriting the Rules Around What is Good or Bad
Updated: Jul 6
I hope this message finds you well.
We are one month into the new year and hooley dooley it has been a wild start!
I don’t know how the last few weeks have been for you but I can definitely say, for me, they have been an onslaught of highly energetic, life changing, life questioning moments. One, after, another.
What is stirring in my body is unexpected - a releasing of the construct around goodness and badness, and how we are the writers and arbiters of those rules.
I would love to share more about these contemplations with you, if you have the time.
Otherwise, you are very welcome to scroll down to check out the guided relaxation practice to meet and connect with your highest self and some of the other wonderful opportunities coming up that might inspire your inner work.
However this year has begun for you, I hope that you are able to meet each opportunity with a sense of curiosity and availability. And that whatever it is that you are feeling or responding to will take you exactly where you’re ready to go - ever closer to your sacred self.
With heartfelt blessings and a hope that our paths will cross soon,
What is Good or Bad Anyway?
If you’re not familiar with the concept of neurodivergent masking, it’s something that autistic and ADHD folks do to fit in.
They learn to put on the correct facial expressions, and to intonate their voices to express excitement, empathy, etc. in a socially “correct” way.
Women are especially gifted at this, and it’s why so many of us don’t figure out until later in life that we are neurodivergent. Because on the outside we do fit in.
It’s the inside that never feels quite right, “normal”, or accepted.
We learn the rules of social behavior, but they don’t always make sense to us.
Please note here that I’m using a generalised "we" and “us” in this case, but every single neurodivergent person is different and there isn’t a monolith.
What is coming to the forefront is how all of the rules contribute to perceived (or projected) “goodness” or “badness.”
This is often talked about in terms of “shoulds.” I should do this, that or the other, because if I do I’m a good mum, wife, business owner, ally, environmentalist, etc.
I think starting here is great, and what I’m finding in my body and bones, is that it’s the surface level. What’s underneath is why I want to be “good” in the first place.
My brain has always rejected these rules of goodness, but my nervous system couldn’t.
I wasn’t often able to understand why something was so important to me, but in my body and my nervous system it felt like life or death.
So where my brain didn’t actually comprehend why something mattered, my nervous system filled in the gap:
If an action meant I would be rejected (in any way), that meant clearly it was unsafe, therefore it was bad. If an action meant acceptance, it was safe, and good.
I’ve done a lot of work to understand the foundational patterns of goodness and acceptance, in my nervous system and somatic response. I recognise the unconscious process of disentangling the biological from the psyche.
In my dreams, past choices and events are rewiring energetically - where I had chosen goodness, or peacekeeping, or masking, I am choosing me. I am re-entering these specific moments from my life during sleep or meditation and speaking up and aligning with my own morals instead of (what feels like) arbitrary “goodness.”
I feel the ripple effect of those shifts throughout the night and when I wake the next day.
It’s coming with a lot of feelings, and also a lot of clarity.
As my body lets go, and my nervous system soothes, my brain gets even more comfortable being the beautiful weirdo that it is.
Which then creates evidence for my body that I am safe, because goodness and badness do not define my actions, and my acceptance is not conditional.
I accept me.
There’s a spaciousness in my body and my head that I’ve never felt before. Like a cool crisp mountain where the sound of a chime or a bell would carry for miles.
The noise and judgments of goodness and badness is dissipating.
The static from my nervous system, which I didn’t even perceive, is settling.
The sovereignty of my being is clear. My autonomy is precise. The rules, unimportant.
I didn’t know to ask for this, or to set an intention for it.
I didn’t know how much it was still weighing into every decision, until it wasn’t.
This is the gift of doing our inner work… of discovering the innate presence of our nervous system and the insights gleaned from our ingrained trauma responses.
This is also the focus of my upcoming women’s retreat, Loving Your Wild Self. As together we peel back the layers of societal appropriateness to reveal the care-free spirited essence within.
If you feel called to dive deeper into this exploration within yourself I warmly invite you to join us…
A three day retreat to peel back the layers of societal appropriateness and give space to that carefree, spirited essence within. Do you ever find yourself at odds with that part of you that longs to be a little wilder? That part of you that wants to do away with the responsibilities and live with spontaneity, freedom... perhaps even reckless abandon?
Your not the only one!
We have grown up to be very capable, driven, responsible women in a world that demands a lot. As we tick the boxes of societies checklist many of our choices come at the expense of our intuitive and innate knowing.
What if for one long, generously spaced weekend you could put down your list of to-do's and reconnect with a sense of untamed wisdom and perhaps, deepen a relationship with the wildness of your Soul?
A wild woman strives for individuation.
She devotes herself passionately to her visions and her calling.
She allows potent, transformative and traumatic events to support her continued evolving.
She is aware of something bigger than her ego… of being one with a much greater life force.
Perhaps what truly defines a ‘Wild Woman’ is her independence and wildness in thought and action. Her unwillingness to simply “behave” or conform in the face of our societies shaped rules. The conscious embodiment of a woman in her fullest glory, living and embracing the full spectrum of her being, like the Moon from darkness to light…
Higher Self Meditation
Take a moment to pause in a way that with nourish and nurture your mind, body and soul with this guided meditation to connect with your soul deep wisdom. Plug in your headphones and join me…